Saturday, March 31, 2012

Testimony meeting

Well last Sunday was testimony meeting and those very words terrify me. When I even think about going up there to give my testimony my throat closes up, and I freak out.
Jared challenged me to go up there and bear my testimony but I just couldn't. I thought about it and I haven't done that in over 5 years... My husband hasn't heard my testimony.  How sad is that? My mom used to tell me that angels write our testimonies down when we bear it.
This month, i'm doing it. No more holding back. I'm sitting up front, wearing flat shoes and doing it. I have a testimony and I think it's important that the world hears it... It's not good enough to keep it to myself.
Today is General Conference and I'm watching it with my baby boy. Here he is!


March

This month has been great! I feel like pictures are worth a lot more than words so I'll just tell the story of March in pictures!  A new baby, Vegas, Cali and so much fun, enjoy :) 
March 5, PREGNANT!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Reflections

Today I did something I've never done...
Beckham had just fallen asleep in my arms after eating and instead of putting him right to bed I sat, held him and reflected on my life.  I never in a million years thought that I would be so lucky so fast.  Everything has kind of been like a whirlwind up until this point and I wanted to take a second to slow down.  I'm a wife to a wonderful husband.  He's my best friend and honestly makes me whole.  I'm a mother to a son I wanted so badly without even knowing it.  He makes me feel like I'm the best mom in the world when he smiles at me and we have cuddle time even though I have my shortcomings.  I've got another little miracle growing inside of me.  Sometimes I forget that I'm pregnant again... and then it hits me.  It's like a present every day I get to unwrap.  Of course I'd love a boy OR a girl but  I have a feeling it's another boy. 


I finally had to get up and go look in the mirror.  It was kind of a shock seeing myself holding my baby boy.  Sure, I've seen pictures of myself, but I never just held him in the mirror while looking at myself.  I'm happy and proud of who I've become.  Who am I?  I am a loving wife to a man who I've always dreamed of.  I am the proud mother of a sweet baby boy and I do my best to teach and take care of him.  I may not have a college degree (yet) or accomplished anything ground-breaking but I am who I am.  I am a strong woman.  I am LDS and so proud of my religion.  I think most of all, I am happy.   

Monday, March 26, 2012

7 weeks along...

This past Friday we had an ultrasound and got a little peek at our sweet little baby! He/she looked like a tiny teddy grahm :) That heartbeat was the best part about it. It's always kind of scary before you see or hear that heartbeat... I've heard the chances of miscarriage is 1 in 4 so we are so blessed to have our little babies. It'll be nice to hit that 12 week "safe" mark. I have pretty mild morning sickness and only am nautious at random times. I don't have a baby bump yet but do still have a little baby weight from Beckham! Oh the marks of motherhood :) Streach marks, bigger clothing, big bags under your eyes and no time to exercise. It is so worth it though, being a mommy.
Beckham is getting so big! He's 15.1 lbs. and pretty average in his size. He had shots today (poor baby) and as always was flirting with the nurses and doctor.


Thursday, March 8, 2012

Nervous

But more excited! Beckham is so much fun and it'll be even more fun when we have another little peanut. I hope they'll bfe best friends.
I am so amazed we have another little blessing. Peanut, you are so loved already! My love for you is already amazing, I look forward to the first time I hold you. We're going to have a c-section with you like we did with your brother for your safety. We don't know exactly how big you are yet or your due date so we're going to have an ultrasound to find out! I can't wait to see my baby!
Tomorrow we leave bright and early for Vegas and San Diego! I am exited to go to Disneyland with Beckham, Jared and our family. Goodbye snow, hello beaches!
Until next time <3

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Guess what?!

Guess who isn't the baby of the family anymore? 
This guy! 
One year ago yesterday we found out we were pregnant with our sweet baby boy and yesterday afternoon... Ta-Da!  We are expecting a baby brother or sister for him :)
We're so excited.  I've got to say I was pretty nervous to have another baby, but to be honest now I'm so happy.  It's going to be hard, yeah.  Some people don't envy me.  But you know what?  This is so right!  I know it is because I just feel like this new baby has always been with us. 
Jared had a feeling I was pregnant because I kept complaining about how I was feeling sick and could smell things from across the room (hehe...).  While at the grocery store a test was buy one get one (hello 13 dollars!) and I bought one.  Right when I got home I went and took it and gave it right to Jared.  He said "Oh my gosh, babe you're pregnant" with a huge smile on his face.  I thought he was joking because he wouldn't let me see the test and he usually tries to prank me... but this would be a mean prank!  I finally saw the test and he was telling the truth! 
I still can't believe it... we're blessed with two babies in one year?  How amazing is that? 
I have a feeling it's a girl, but I could definitely be wrong! 

On a  side note... and kind of a rant :) 
I'm so tired of seeing people posting on Facebook about Medicaid and Food Stamps.  SOME of us need the help.  I've paid taxes since I was 16 and my hubby has paid them since around that time as well.  That means collectively we've been paying for 18 years, not to mention all my parents and grandparents have paid.  Don't bash on me or people like me because we need the help.  Everyone needs help sometimes.  Would you rather me get the help or starve?  Would you rather I receive medical assistance or my child and I both die?  Obviously you think you have a say in my life so you tell me. 
Don't judge others because they need help. 
Walk a mile in their shoes so you know what it feels like. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Dear Austin

It is almost 9 am and baby boy still isn't awake! So naturally I'm still in bed blogging :)
If my brother Austin ever reads this, this is for you buddy.
Right now, before you read this, turn on the song "Oh, Lord, My Redeemer".  Here's a link...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciy3wV3hGnE
If you don't have a good half hour to read this and think about it, exit out and come back to it later. 


 So I realized on Sunday I haven't given my testimony out loud in years... And that is so sad. I'm not good with words and that is a huge fault of mine that I need to work on. I prefer to sing my testimony at church or in the confines of my own home when I'm singing to Beckham. There are just more words in song than there ever will be in simply speaking. Sometimes people need to hear your testimony though, and when I think you needed it the most I let you down so here it is. I'm going to reference my "testimony songs" so you can look it up and pretend I'm singing it to you (in a slightly less pleasing voice than Michael McLean) ;).  I don't want you to look at this intellectually, because it's not intellectual.  It's from my heart.  Although I may have spelling or grammar mistakes, or maybe I will say the wrong thing sometimes so it won't make sense that's ok.  Just read with an open heart and listen to your feelings.  While you read this I want you to pray.  Pray harder than you ever have 
The song "Oh, Lord, My Redeemer" is the most beautiful song I've ever come across.  I can't help but sing it every night to Beckham.  Our Heavenly Father loves us more than we will ever know so he sent his Son to save us.  I believe in our Lord, Austin.  I know that Christ came to this Earth to save us by sacrificing himself.  Could you imagine sending Beckham, your nephew, or Trinity out knowing that they would go through more pain than anyone knew or could imagine?  I know I can't even comprehend that.  Remember that He didn't sacrifice His son for mankind as a whole.  He did it for J Austin Johnson.  He doesn't love mankind as a whole.  He loves you as an individual. 
Remember when we were little and we used to sing "I hope they call me on a Mission" with mom and dad?  I LOVED that!  I sing it to Beckham every night now.  I believe in missionary work.  It's how people learn about our church and that there is meaning to life.  I know that you would make an amazing missionary.  I honestly believe that you are the tool our Heavenly Father needs to bring the gospel to someone.  I'd love to be able to go on a mission someday and help others come to the realization I have.  Our church is the true church and if you pray about it, honestly pray, I guarantee you that you'll find the answers you need.  Our salvation is the most important thing we can attain and we have to constantly work towards it. 
I love you and this is the part of my testimony I wanted you to know.  I hope you're having tons of fun at school and learning lots :)