November wanderings and personal progress

Life with a 3 and a 4 year old is MUCH different than a 2 and 3 year old.  For some reason 3 years and 3 months is a magical number.  It suddenly gets easy!
Brayson's 3rd birthday was fun! The birthday decorating fairy came, I made cinnamon rolls for the first time and stuck a candle in that for lunch... that was his birthday cake that day (we had a family birthday cake and ice cream party the Sunday before).  We played lots with his new trains and took a bubble bath.  He is getting so big!  He is taller than Beckham now by a good inch.  He is hilarious and loves making everyone laugh still.  If you play with him, he is the happiest camper on earth.
Beckham's 4th birthday was magical too! The birthday fairy made a visit for him too.  I was sick but we all had fun playing with robots, watching movies and taking a color bath (he got bath tablets that change the water color for his birthday).  We also went to visit Santa because it was his first day at the mall and went to Chick-fil-a, a classic for the boys!  He is a little couch potato lately, loves his movies!  He still loves playing chase and batman :)  He actually just went to bed in his Thor costume so we will see if that is a new impression lol!
 The boys and I fill our days with Christmas movies (maybe too much?  It just puts the holiday spirit in our home!), ninja turtles, batman and bath time!  We have had so much fun with Halloween costumes, cookie making (and eating, hehe!), playing in the snow and so much more!
For personal progress I have been working on reading the Book of Mormon (I am in Alma 5 at the moment), saying personal prayers morning and night and being better at pondering during the sacrament. Also, I will write about titing to fulfill my Faith value experience 7.
Wow, the Book of Mormon.  I'm going to be honest right now.  I have never read it cover to cover.  Do I know the stories?  Yes.  Have I read them?  Probably most of them.  Did I love the scriptures up until a few months ago?  I knew they were true from the stories I had read and through my personal experiences BUT I didn't have a passion for them like I do now.  I am a huge reader so I knew I could do this if I put my mind to it but I was surprised to find how hard it was for me!  It was almost as if an awful power would take over me and make it so hard to read... it sounds a little cheesy, but literally, that is how I felt.  I could only think of how much I had to read until the next book and how Nephi was so long and I had never passed Nephi so why could I do it now?  After 2nd Nephi it just started clicking.  I wasn't so weighed down by reading, I was excited to at the end of the day.  Before, I always thought of the scriptures as that: scripture... a bunch of wise words from prophets way before my time.  It has been so incredible to find it is so much more than "just" that.  Not only is it wise words, but it is truly stories of these amazing men in incredible situations and how they overcame temptations, wars, and people trying to kill them.  It is their stories that flow throught generations.  Fathers and sons and cousins, passing down this incredible scripture that they only write the most precious of words.  I love how careful they are to include only the most important information.  You know that when you read even the most plain of scriptures it has truly been inspired to be written.  They knew the responsibility they had in writing in this beautiful journal-like scripture.  Who knows how many times they prayed over a scripture before they wrote it?  Anyways... I love that.
Personal prayers has been a difficult one for me.  In the morning I have to run upstairs to grab whoever is up before the wake up the other little boy!  After that it feels like a whirlwind of things and the day is half gone before I realize I didn't say prayers.  I have missed two times and it seems like my whole day feels a little worse off without my prayers.  Today I prayed for patience with the boys and I could honestly feel a little tug in my head to pull on the reins and chill out a little bit.  I am am so grateful for prayers to thank my Heavenly Father for all of the blessings He has bestowed on my little family.  I am so grateful to Him for providing my family with the means to never be hungry.  We always have a roof over our heads, and not only a roof but we are surrounded by beautiful things we have always dreamed of in the location we have always wanted to be in... Utah.  We have the gospel in our lives, and I am so, so thankful for the opportunity I have had to be Jared's wife and Beckham and Brayson's mother.  Wow.  I don't even know how to explain it.  Mom's out there, you know what I mean.  It is also a time to ask for help and to know that I am never alone.  I can ask for help with something I am struggling with, I can ask Heavenly Father to help one of my loved ones, pray for my family and their health, and I can pray for my young women.
Pondering during sacrament is difficult with two little boys (hehe) but I am doing it by talking to the boys about how Jesus loves us.  I pull whoever is closest to me on my lap and whisper to him that sacrament reminds us that Jesus loves us and is our big brother and takes care of us.   I hope they remember those little tidbit moments we have.  I am grateful for the calling we have had to teach our 12 and 13 year olds in sunday school because my first lesson was on the sacrament.  When we take it we promise to always... not sometimes... remember Christ and take his name upon us.  I have been thinking about that a lot, How we need to always remember Him and His sacrafice for us and how it gives us the ability to repent.  I myself feel like in my life I have caused a lot of his burden and I hate that.  I am grateful that I had the opportunity to repent and come back to Christ, be married in the temple and have a forever family.  Gosh I love that!  I keep saying that, I know, just make fun of me if you want ;)
Tithing is the last thing I want to write about today.  I have such a testimony of it.  In our marriage we have always been full tithe payers and we see blessings from it.  We have been blessed enough not to have to choose between bills and tithing, but I know if it came to those two choices we would absolutely pay tithing first.  We have never struggled with money and that is one hundred percent because we have paid tithing.  I don't mean that everyone who pays tithing will never struggle, but I know if you are struggling and you wonder if you should pay tithing, you pay that tithing first and I promise you will find that things come together, even if a miracle has to happen.  Everything we have, literally everything, has been given to us from the Lord.  Ten percent is the least we can do to pay him back.  I am grateful for tithing.
I hope someday my boys find this entry and realize that my faith has been strengthened through reading my scriptures and praying.  I am grateful for those two gifts from my Heavenly Father.

2 Nephi 10

I am so thankful for my calling in Young Women's for many reasons.  First off I love the girls.  They are so wonderful and they truly are inspiring me to be better in all aspects of my life.  I want to be the best mom possible and make our home a "heaven on earth".  I want to be a better daughter to our Heavenly Father.  Sometimes we just think of him as being powerful and all-knowing (which he is), but not only that, he is our Father!  We are literally His daughters!  We have a duty and responsibility to him just like we do to our fathers here on Earth.  I've definitely been motivated to read the Book of Mormon to strengthen my testimony in the gosple.  I would say "read it again" but I have never read it cover to cover.  How sad is that?  I have read and heard all of the stories but I have never started and finished.  

ANYWAYS!  I am in 2 Nephi 10 and I have fallen in love with the scriptures.  I'm and avid reader and I completely delve into my books and this one is no different in that way.  I feel invested in these prophets like I never have before and it is such a blessing to me.  I have been writing down thoughts throughout my reading and I might blog those so that the boys can read "along with me" even when I am gone someday.  2 Nephi 10:3-4 hit me like a semi-truck.  I never realized that if Christ had gone anywhere other than to the Jews, the People of Israel he wouldn't have been crucified.  Any other people on Earth would have known that this was their Savior by all of the mighty miracles He performed.  

This brought up a ton of questions for me.  If Christ came to America today would he be welcomed?  Would the majority of people believe in Him or would they be like those who crucified Him?  It makes me sad to realize that I truly don't know.  I know for a fact that I would know Him.  I feel in my heart that I would recognize his face and I know that the Spirit would help me know the truth.  I would challenge anyone who reads it to think about it.  Would you recognize him?

Mind Wanderings

I got called to Young Womens... 

I KNOW!  ME!  

I'm so excited but I don't feel worthy.  I feel like they're all family already to me.  Almost like another Trinity around.  I think about them pretty much all day long and worry about them.  What?!  Who knew all those leaders loved me as much as I love these girls.  I'm so excited I'm on this journey.

The boys are so crazy big.  It seems like every time I turn around they learn something new or get bigger.  The other day Jared and I were in the kitchen and Brayson walked in and was at HIP LEVEL!  What?  Where did my little baby go?  Although I am sad how fast it goes, I really do find joy in every stage.  He is so sassy and he loves his tractors.  He runs to anyone in the family and gives them a huge hug.  I don't know about anyone else, but that alone makes me feel like a superhero when he does that to me.  

He and Beckham follow eachother around like shadows.  I love hearing their giggles.  When i know they are doing something bad but they are both giggling like crazy over it I just stand outside the door and listen and try to capture the moment. Jared reads them 2 books at night and I sing them both a song.  Song time is so special.  Sometimes Brayson wants me to lay in bed with him and he puts his chubby little arms around my neck and says "I love you mommy".  

Beckham is a hoot too. This kid talks about his primary teachers all week long but right when we get there he screams his little head off.  He runs around outside naked and pees everywhere, no matter who is there.  The other day he went to the front yard, pulled off his pants and peed in front of the neighbors.  I just shrug about it and hope that everyone else shrugs right back at me and says "I remember".  He says "yeah baby!" just like the best of them.  He is very sensitive towards other kids feelings and never wants them to feel left out.  Just the other day at chick-fil-a there was a little boy who was afraid to go up the play place without his mom, but she had a new baby and she couldnt go up.  Beckham was that boy's special friend and took his hand and tried to get him up the play place.  He followed him to the little kid area even though it was boring and made sure the boy wasn't alone.  I was proud of him

I hate getting them in trouble about things.  Time out is the worst.  I know they think I'm being mean but sometimes I sit outside the door and cry when they are especially mad at me.  Most of the time I think I don't deserve them, but I know that we were totally and completely meant for eachother.  Every so often we have a "perfect" day where there are no breakdowns or fights and we go to the park or play outside or even stay inside and have a movie day.  We are such a great team!  

My Change of Heart

I hear the quote all of the time that "we are all converts to the church"... and how true is that?  If that conversion happens at 14, 18, 28 or 84 it is a true, and beautiful conversion story to tell. Mine starts in January 2010.  I decided I had to change on New Years.  I wasn't happy living the life I threw together for myself.  I was living a life that didn't match my beliefs, that although no one knew they were there, I did.  I had so many people that loved me as a friend, a daughter, and a person but because I wasn't being true to myself I couldn't truly be happy with myself and my life. I know I made a lot of people miserable... misery loves company and miserable people just don't want to be happy.  I am sorry for that.  I wanted to start going back to church.  I wanted to get my life together and be happy about where I was, and progress and live a crazy awesome life that my kids someday would be proud of.  One of my best friends who was always there for me no matter what.  My middle/high school "heart throb" turned out to be the best friend I had.  It was the end of March when he and I made a pact to go to church more.  At 20 years old it took a bet with a friend to finally get me back on track.  I went almost every Sunday after that.
The next step in my conversion were dreams.  I kept a dream journal because of a college class I was in and I wrote down everything.  I started having dreams of children.  I had dreams of awful things happening to me when I had babies in my arms.  One dream I remember clearly is this: I was holding my newborn baby and walking on the beach.  For some reason the water kept raising and I didn't realize it.  Finally I was at a point where I panicked because I was almost completely underwater and had to hold my little boy over my head so he could breathe.  Thankfully I woke up at the moment waves started hitting his little face.  Just now as I am writing this I can see the symbolism of it all.  I never understood it then, I just knew I had to get myself back on the path I knew I should be on, if not for me, then for my children.  I wanted my babies to have the priesthood in their house so that they could have a blessing whenever they were troubled or sick.  I wanted them to know our Heavenly Father and that they truly are his children and have a purpose in this life,
Conference April 2010 was when I decided I had to take a leap of faith.  Henry B. Eyring stood up to give a talk and I was mesmerized from the first word.  To this day I think he was truly Heavenly Father's mouthpiece, and he was speaking directly to me.  As everyone listened to it and gained something from it I know it was given just for me to inspire a great leap of faith and courage.  If you ever read this Brother Eyring, you are a true hero in my story. Thank you for your inspired talk.  Please, please read it here.  He ended his talk with this:"I promise each of you, as you follow inspired direction in this, the true Church of Jesus Christ, that our youth and we who help and love them can be delivered safely to our home with Heavenly Father and the Savior to live in families and in joy forever."  Talk about inspiring.  I packed everything up in my little Mustang and moved to Utah in July, 2010.  I left dear friends and people I considered family to find my happiness and work on myself and my faith.  Although I was very alone sometimes, I wasn't ever truly lonely.  I delved in the scriptures and found comfort in them.  I became closer to the Lord and finally felt the Holy Ghost again.  The Lord has truly blessed me ever since and I finally found my true and everlasting happiness.  Isn't it amazing what a blind leap of faith can bring you to your life as long as you trust that Heavenly Father won't let you fall?  

A Lesson to be Learned

Journaling, blogging and picture taking have not been my forte lately.  Actually ever.  I always wish I could go back and read about daily happenings.  When I moved to Utah I made sure to journal every day so I wouldn't forget anything and I could always remember my adventure.  Unfortunately I lost those journal entries (dang it, computers) but I remember lots of things pretty clearly.  

Jared and I were recently called to be Sunday School teachers for the 12-13 year olds.  First of all, can we talk about how crazy it is to be in charge of teaching these awesome teenagers about gospel principles?  Scary!  The first couple of weeks were a disaster and ended in at least 20 minutes of church hangman but this past week was a little easier and I think this week I will have a better lesson.  I think the Lord makes up for all of the things I lack in when it comes to teaching.  I am actually really enjoying it and, as cliche as it is, I learn a whole lot more than they do while I prepare for the lesson.  Anyways... yesterday as I was reading over the lesson about Journal Keeping I realized I have a lot to catch up on, and a lot of things that need to be remembered for not only me, but my boys and maybe future generations.  After all as Spencer W. Kimball put it in the February 2003 New Era, "The Angels my quote from it". Here is my inspiration and reminder that the Lord has his hand in my life every day, and it is up to me to recognize it.  

4 years and 2 boys later...

I've been meaning to post for a while.  Time flies when you are having fun, they say... right?  I'm trying to find words to describe life right now.  Wonderful.  Messy.  Crazy.  Fun.  Exciting.  Surprising.  Seriously those all describe us right now!  Wonderful because we are so insanely happy with our family of 4.  Every day it feels like there is an adventures to be discovered if only we make it out of the house with clothes on (which is an accomplishment believe it or not).  Life is definitely messy.  Come on over to our house and surprise us and you will see how it really is.  Currently there are crumbs on the table, plants that need to be planted on the counter and toys in the living room that need to be cleaned up.  Is it crazy that I love it?  At the end of the day I pick up after our crazy day and remember all of the fun things we did.  The boys are so precious and surprise me with their love.  How is it that I am so imperfect and these little perfect human beings still love me.  Even after I yell (which I am definitely working on because I hate yelling) they are quick to hug me and say "I love you".  I love being called mommy.  I hate that someday they will probably not want to call me Mommy anymore and I will resort to the "old lady" version... Mom.  Mommy just sounds so precious!  Crazy, fun, exciting and surprising all come from the past few months.  I will go back and write about it, but just after my last post (from when Beckham broke his leg) we moved to Wyoming for a job.  Without going into too many details, we hated it.  It was cold, windy and very, very lonely because of all of the travelling Jared had to do.  Finally a year and a half later we packed up our things, took a leap of faith and came home to Utah so that we could be together more.  Not 3 months later, we are in the house of our dreams, in the location of our dreams, Jared has a great job as a pharmaceutical rep again and I am with my forever family (that surpassed the best of dreams).  Today is rainy and wet so we naturally had to get doughnuts and watch Harry Potter.  It's lazy, normal days like today that I will cherish forever.  So here are some completely normal, crazy pictures that aren't anything special, but I will always hold to be some of my favorite memories.