My Change of Heart

I hear the quote all of the time that "we are all converts to the church"... and how true is that?  If that conversion happens at 14, 18, 28 or 84 it is a true, and beautiful conversion story to tell. Mine starts in January 2010.  I decided I had to change on New Years.  I wasn't happy living the life I threw together for myself.  I was living a life that didn't match my beliefs, that although no one knew they were there, I did.  I had so many people that loved me as a friend, a daughter, and a person but because I wasn't being true to myself I couldn't truly be happy with myself and my life. I know I made a lot of people miserable... misery loves company and miserable people just don't want to be happy.  I am sorry for that.  I wanted to start going back to church.  I wanted to get my life together and be happy about where I was, and progress and live a crazy awesome life that my kids someday would be proud of.  One of my best friends who was always there for me no matter what.  My middle/high school "heart throb" turned out to be the best friend I had.  It was the end of March when he and I made a pact to go to church more.  At 20 years old it took a bet with a friend to finally get me back on track.  I went almost every Sunday after that.
The next step in my conversion were dreams.  I kept a dream journal because of a college class I was in and I wrote down everything.  I started having dreams of children.  I had dreams of awful things happening to me when I had babies in my arms.  One dream I remember clearly is this: I was holding my newborn baby and walking on the beach.  For some reason the water kept raising and I didn't realize it.  Finally I was at a point where I panicked because I was almost completely underwater and had to hold my little boy over my head so he could breathe.  Thankfully I woke up at the moment waves started hitting his little face.  Just now as I am writing this I can see the symbolism of it all.  I never understood it then, I just knew I had to get myself back on the path I knew I should be on, if not for me, then for my children.  I wanted my babies to have the priesthood in their house so that they could have a blessing whenever they were troubled or sick.  I wanted them to know our Heavenly Father and that they truly are his children and have a purpose in this life,
Conference April 2010 was when I decided I had to take a leap of faith.  Henry B. Eyring stood up to give a talk and I was mesmerized from the first word.  To this day I think he was truly Heavenly Father's mouthpiece, and he was speaking directly to me.  As everyone listened to it and gained something from it I know it was given just for me to inspire a great leap of faith and courage.  If you ever read this Brother Eyring, you are a true hero in my story. Thank you for your inspired talk.  Please, please read it here.  He ended his talk with this:"I promise each of you, as you follow inspired direction in this, the true Church of Jesus Christ, that our youth and we who help and love them can be delivered safely to our home with Heavenly Father and the Savior to live in families and in joy forever."  Talk about inspiring.  I packed everything up in my little Mustang and moved to Utah in July, 2010.  I left dear friends and people I considered family to find my happiness and work on myself and my faith.  Although I was very alone sometimes, I wasn't ever truly lonely.  I delved in the scriptures and found comfort in them.  I became closer to the Lord and finally felt the Holy Ghost again.  The Lord has truly blessed me ever since and I finally found my true and everlasting happiness.  Isn't it amazing what a blind leap of faith can bring you to your life as long as you trust that Heavenly Father won't let you fall?  

A Lesson to be Learned

Journaling, blogging and picture taking have not been my forte lately.  Actually ever.  I always wish I could go back and read about daily happenings.  When I moved to Utah I made sure to journal every day so I wouldn't forget anything and I could always remember my adventure.  Unfortunately I lost those journal entries (dang it, computers) but I remember lots of things pretty clearly.  

Jared and I were recently called to be Sunday School teachers for the 12-13 year olds.  First of all, can we talk about how crazy it is to be in charge of teaching these awesome teenagers about gospel principles?  Scary!  The first couple of weeks were a disaster and ended in at least 20 minutes of church hangman but this past week was a little easier and I think this week I will have a better lesson.  I think the Lord makes up for all of the things I lack in when it comes to teaching.  I am actually really enjoying it and, as cliche as it is, I learn a whole lot more than they do while I prepare for the lesson.  Anyways... yesterday as I was reading over the lesson about Journal Keeping I realized I have a lot to catch up on, and a lot of things that need to be remembered for not only me, but my boys and maybe future generations.  After all as Spencer W. Kimball put it in the February 2003 New Era, "The Angels my quote from it". Here is my inspiration and reminder that the Lord has his hand in my life every day, and it is up to me to recognize it.