My Change of Heart

I hear the quote all of the time that "we are all converts to the church"... and how true is that?  If that conversion happens at 14, 18, 28 or 84 it is a true, and beautiful conversion story to tell. Mine starts in January 2010.  I decided I had to change on New Years.  I wasn't happy living the life I threw together for myself.  I was living a life that didn't match my beliefs, that although no one knew they were there, I did.  I had so many people that loved me as a friend, a daughter, and a person but because I wasn't being true to myself I couldn't truly be happy with myself and my life. I know I made a lot of people miserable... misery loves company and miserable people just don't want to be happy.  I am sorry for that.  I wanted to start going back to church.  I wanted to get my life together and be happy about where I was, and progress and live a crazy awesome life that my kids someday would be proud of.  One of my best friends who was always there for me no matter what.  My middle/high school "heart throb" turned out to be the best friend I had.  It was the end of March when he and I made a pact to go to church more.  At 20 years old it took a bet with a friend to finally get me back on track.  I went almost every Sunday after that.
The next step in my conversion were dreams.  I kept a dream journal because of a college class I was in and I wrote down everything.  I started having dreams of children.  I had dreams of awful things happening to me when I had babies in my arms.  One dream I remember clearly is this: I was holding my newborn baby and walking on the beach.  For some reason the water kept raising and I didn't realize it.  Finally I was at a point where I panicked because I was almost completely underwater and had to hold my little boy over my head so he could breathe.  Thankfully I woke up at the moment waves started hitting his little face.  Just now as I am writing this I can see the symbolism of it all.  I never understood it then, I just knew I had to get myself back on the path I knew I should be on, if not for me, then for my children.  I wanted my babies to have the priesthood in their house so that they could have a blessing whenever they were troubled or sick.  I wanted them to know our Heavenly Father and that they truly are his children and have a purpose in this life,
Conference April 2010 was when I decided I had to take a leap of faith.  Henry B. Eyring stood up to give a talk and I was mesmerized from the first word.  To this day I think he was truly Heavenly Father's mouthpiece, and he was speaking directly to me.  As everyone listened to it and gained something from it I know it was given just for me to inspire a great leap of faith and courage.  If you ever read this Brother Eyring, you are a true hero in my story. Thank you for your inspired talk.  Please, please read it here.  He ended his talk with this:"I promise each of you, as you follow inspired direction in this, the true Church of Jesus Christ, that our youth and we who help and love them can be delivered safely to our home with Heavenly Father and the Savior to live in families and in joy forever."  Talk about inspiring.  I packed everything up in my little Mustang and moved to Utah in July, 2010.  I left dear friends and people I considered family to find my happiness and work on myself and my faith.  Although I was very alone sometimes, I wasn't ever truly lonely.  I delved in the scriptures and found comfort in them.  I became closer to the Lord and finally felt the Holy Ghost again.  The Lord has truly blessed me ever since and I finally found my true and everlasting happiness.  Isn't it amazing what a blind leap of faith can bring you to your life as long as you trust that Heavenly Father won't let you fall?  

A Lesson to be Learned

Journaling, blogging and picture taking have not been my forte lately.  Actually ever.  I always wish I could go back and read about daily happenings.  When I moved to Utah I made sure to journal every day so I wouldn't forget anything and I could always remember my adventure.  Unfortunately I lost those journal entries (dang it, computers) but I remember lots of things pretty clearly.  

Jared and I were recently called to be Sunday School teachers for the 12-13 year olds.  First of all, can we talk about how crazy it is to be in charge of teaching these awesome teenagers about gospel principles?  Scary!  The first couple of weeks were a disaster and ended in at least 20 minutes of church hangman but this past week was a little easier and I think this week I will have a better lesson.  I think the Lord makes up for all of the things I lack in when it comes to teaching.  I am actually really enjoying it and, as cliche as it is, I learn a whole lot more than they do while I prepare for the lesson.  Anyways... yesterday as I was reading over the lesson about Journal Keeping I realized I have a lot to catch up on, and a lot of things that need to be remembered for not only me, but my boys and maybe future generations.  After all as Spencer W. Kimball put it in the February 2003 New Era, "The Angels my quote from it". Here is my inspiration and reminder that the Lord has his hand in my life every day, and it is up to me to recognize it.  

4 years and 2 boys later...

I've been meaning to post for a while.  Time flies when you are having fun, they say... right?  I'm trying to find words to describe life right now.  Wonderful.  Messy.  Crazy.  Fun.  Exciting.  Surprising.  Seriously those all describe us right now!  Wonderful because we are so insanely happy with our family of 4.  Every day it feels like there is an adventures to be discovered if only we make it out of the house with clothes on (which is an accomplishment believe it or not).  Life is definitely messy.  Come on over to our house and surprise us and you will see how it really is.  Currently there are crumbs on the table, plants that need to be planted on the counter and toys in the living room that need to be cleaned up.  Is it crazy that I love it?  At the end of the day I pick up after our crazy day and remember all of the fun things we did.  The boys are so precious and surprise me with their love.  How is it that I am so imperfect and these little perfect human beings still love me.  Even after I yell (which I am definitely working on because I hate yelling) they are quick to hug me and say "I love you".  I love being called mommy.  I hate that someday they will probably not want to call me Mommy anymore and I will resort to the "old lady" version... Mom.  Mommy just sounds so precious!  Crazy, fun, exciting and surprising all come from the past few months.  I will go back and write about it, but just after my last post (from when Beckham broke his leg) we moved to Wyoming for a job.  Without going into too many details, we hated it.  It was cold, windy and very, very lonely because of all of the travelling Jared had to do.  Finally a year and a half later we packed up our things, took a leap of faith and came home to Utah so that we could be together more.  Not 3 months later, we are in the house of our dreams, in the location of our dreams, Jared has a great job as a pharmaceutical rep again and I am with my forever family (that surpassed the best of dreams).  Today is rainy and wet so we naturally had to get doughnuts and watch Harry Potter.  It's lazy, normal days like today that I will cherish forever.  So here are some completely normal, crazy pictures that aren't anything special, but I will always hold to be some of my favorite memories.

Why I didn't wait until I was 30 to get married

After doing my nightly round of visiting my good friend, Facebook, I found myself reading a post entitled "5 Good Reasons Why You Should Wait Until You're 30 To Get Married" by Paul Hudson.
I am 25.
I am married.  Happily, I might add.
I have 2 kids.
The world says I am not ready for any of this.
WHY THE HECK NOT?!
Well Paul Hudson, DJ from Manhattan (and whoever agrees with him), I disagree with your philosophical views.  And although I could give you a million reasons why, here are 3.
1. I know who I am.
Why do you have to be at least 30 to know who you are and what you like in life? 
2. Financially unstable is tough, but amazing in that you grow to lean on each other and talk about hard things.
2.I may not have experienced enough.  Yet.
Why not do it with my best friend?  My husband is a companion, a partner in crime, an amigo who goes with me to do exciting and fun things. 
3. If I find "The One", then why would I wait?
I hate how he said in the article that "Marriage is forever; what's the rush?"  Marriage is forever.  And I'm having so much fun experiencing the first part of forever with him.  Why wait for the magical age of 30 to marry him.  "Hey, I love you and want to marry you... but I have to wait until I'm 30 or no dice.  Paul and a few of his friends said so."  No!  I'm not going to postpone when I get married because the number isn't right.
20 years old was pretty young to get married, but for me it was right.  I have grown a lot, but so has my husband... and our marriage.  So there are my 3, Paul... and don't get onto me because I didn't do 5.  The numbers aren't what count.  Just like age (within reason and legal parameters) doesn't count ;)

Dear Brayson

Happy birthday, my love!  I sure love you.  I keep thinking about a year ago today.  From about right now actually.  I was so excited to meet you, I couldn't sleep.  When I was on the operating table, your daddy sat right by my head and we talked about what you would look like, how you and Beckham would be best friends and how much we loved you already.  When you came out of my tummy all I could look at were those LIPS!  How perfectly plump they were.  When they placed you in my arms you stopped crying and just looked at me.  I'm so lucky you are my son.  You are growing up (I know, you're only one... but it goes fast) but you are always my baby who I could sing to and make happy.  I wanted your birthday to be special so daddy and I blew up 50 balloons, hung up streamers and decorated your high chair.  You are so special and I love you so much.  Happy birthday baby boy.

3 Legitimate Fears I have... and Why.

So I was looking over a list of 30 things you should tell your kids about yourself and on there was list 3 legitimate fears you have and why.  I don't think this is really that crucial for them to know, but I'll bite. 
Fear 1: The end of the world.  YES I have huge fears when it comes to this.  If you read in the Bible (or look around and smell the roses) you will see that the world is going to get pretty bad and crazy.  I didn't really fear this until I had kids.  After that, Jared and I had "the talk".  The one where you talk about what you would do if something bad were to happen.  I am terrified!  Regardless, I'd do whatever I had to in order to protect my family.
Fear 2: Gaining weight.  SO silly and vain, but it's a fear.  How many old people do you see that are "fit and fab"?  I want to be able to be active and healthy.  You better bet I'm going to be a sassy old gal :)
Fear 3: One of my family members (extended included) needing me and I'm too far away and can't get there.  I've always had this fear.  Since I was 18 I've lived pretty far away from family, and I always worry.  I decided Beckham and Brayson will not be able to be more than 6 hours away from me when they are in college or married.  6 hours is driving distance, and I can floor it and get there in 4!
Love my boys :) 

Crazy Days, Peaceful Nights

As guilty as I feel for saying it, I feel like the title of this post definitely describes our lives right now.  Although I feel guilty, it needs to be put out there.  LIFE is CRAZY.  Screaming, squealing, laughing or crying babies equals a hectic life.  But hey... it's a heck of a lot more fun than it being a family with no kids. 
I am so grateful for my babies.  Honestly, Heavenly Father really loves me for sending me Beckham and Brayson.  They are the sweetest, craziest, funnest (yes, funnest) kids in this world. 

Five things I love about Beckham right now:
1.  He runs down the hall saying, "ma, mom, mom" looking for me
2. He has the cutest smile, and if you don't smile back at him you have no heart.
3. He waves at EVERYONE!  Today we went to Golden Corral with his GGparents and waved at every single person leaving the restaurant.  Wave back, people!
4. He gets a look when he wants you to chase him.  He stares at you, smirks and then scuttles off as fast as his little legs will take him.  And he's dang fast. 
5. He gives kisses!  It melts my heart when he comes up to me and smacks his lips for a kiss.  Hilarious, cute, and he loves me.  :)

Five things I love about Brayson right now:
1. Everyone who meets him calls him the most "smiley baby".  Little do they know, he has some pipes when he doesn't get his way.
2. When we are in the car, he laughs at Beckham and they either do this back and forth the whole time, or squeal the whole time.  Squealing, not so fun when you're in the car for 45 minutes going to visit family.
3. He still lays his head on my chest.  Beckham didn't do that after he was strong enough to lift his head.  I love snuggling my Brayson.
4. When he sees me in the morning, he gets this smile.  I can only explain it by comparing it to those videos you see of parents telling their kids they are going to Disneyland for the first time.  Mouth open, whole face smile, followed by a squeal.
5. He can army crawl now, and it's the cutest thing ever.  When he sees something he wants, he WILL get it no matter how long it takes, or how far he has to go. 

Jared is seriously the best dad ever, too.  He will always take the time to make sure Beckham knows he loves him.  When Beckham wants to be chased, Jared will drop everything and chase him.  The sweetest sound in the world is that, and then later hearing him hum our babies to sleep when they have a bad dream. 
Life is good :)